Last night I had another dream about Michelle. She was radiant and happy. I was very glad to see her again, to say the least. we were getting ready to go out to a Halloween party, laughing. I woke up, and fell asleep again to the same dream, except this time, I was aware of the time that had passed since the last time I saw her. I started to feel resentful that it had been so long, and aware that she would go away again. It felt very unfair, but I didn't want to taint the short time we had by telling her how I felt, although we had an extremely open friendship. I almost told her what I was feeling, and she disappeared. in my dreams I cry much more openly than I do in life, and this time I bawled from the depths of my soul, feeling it from a place far below me, and flowing freely with sounds I don't make.
When I dream of her, I look to why, at that particular time I feel it again. Seven years ago, at this time of year, and probably to the day, we were getting ready to go to a Halloween party, laughing. She was radiant, and just as happy as I'd ever seen her. We had a great time with other close friends. I had just helped her move to Portland, hoping to relieve her depression. It seemed to be working, since she hadn't gone out like this in several years. I stayed for 3 more months, feeling on top of the world.
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